Five Queer Youths Talk About The Time They Came Out To Families, Their Response

Coming out of the closet can be the most powerful, important part of the journey, especially because it sometimes took years to figure out who you really are. Coming out of the closet is accompanied by a relieving feeling however the consequences are not a 100% positive. Unfortunately, not everyone welcomes you with open arms, they may lash out at one, or desert their loved one, and it's difficult to gauge how one will react. 

However prepared you may be, the rejection doth hurt nonetheless. It is only human to feel hurt. The repercussions of a queer person's identity being invalidated by their family bear great effect because, we as humans, also look for acceptance from our families. Though there is a possibility they may support you, they can also shun you or be in denial. Their denial is usually enabled by patriarchy.

Despite the situation being tough on you, it is important that you, in those moments, must have confidence in yourself and embrace who you are. Make sure you give yourself and them to come to terms with it.

This Pride Month, we spoke to some folks from the LGBTQIA+ community, to find out how their family reacted when they came out to them.

Pulkit identifies himself as an androgynous, biromantic, gay male but was it easy to come out to people for him? “My family is homophobic as many others. I told my mom one day that I am gay, but she denied that altogether. She asked me to visit a psychiatrist. Later, when she told my father he asked me to only focus on my studies. So, they slipped that under the carpet.”

Pulkit further said, “One day everything changed. My college denied me entry for wearing an androgynous dress. The queerphobic authority called my parents. So, everything was out. That was it.” Pulkit mentioned that after that incident, they are not afraid of anyone, just for being who they are. 

“I broke it up, piece by piece. Not all at once! I sent a video from the chat show " target="_blank" rel="noopener">Satyamev Jayate to my parents; about queer people. I was giving them hints through my dance performances,” said Smitin.

Smitin mentioned that when they finally came out to his parents, there was a silence in the air. They never brought up the subject again. Smitin quoted, “It was a transition from neutral to negative and then neutral again." 

A research aspirant at IISER Bhopal, Suraj talked to us about their coming out journey to their parents. “My mother, I first came out to her. I believe that a mother knows everything. She didn’t react to my coming out in a weird way. It was evident by the look on her face that she knew already,” Suraj told us with a wide smile on their face.

They further mentioned how their father’s reaction was totally opposite to their mother's. “I don’t blame him or other people for not accepting at the very moment. It’s okay.’’

Manjishtha Pahilajani who come out as a non-binary person to their parents, told us how it was weird for them to even know that. “They were utterly hesitant to accept me, but it was my truth. So, with time and learning, they come to accept me.” 

Utkarsh who identifies as a bigender-bisexual talked to SheThePeople, about their experience of coming out to the family. They said noted it was accompanied by lots of drama.

"I came out to my father and I said, I think I am gay. I told him that I will be sure by the age of 24 like you know to be completely sure. But the very next morning when I woke up, I saw my mother weeping loudly in the kitchen. At that moment I knew he told her,” they confess. 

Utkarsh were once close to their mother, but things took a U-turn after that day; it took them four years to convince them but in vain as the family remains cold to them. 

Some parents unlearn generational prejudices, some don't. However, none of their behaviour reflects on why you should not own yourself, or your sexuality. Being patient as they digest this new information may be challenging but remember the most important thing is often learning to accept yourself and even that can be a lifelong journey.

Coming out of the closet is a personal choice. Period!

Views are not subjugated in any way. People from the LGBTQIA+ were interviewed for this purpose.  

Suggested Reading: To Come Out Or Not: Five Queer People Speak About Importance Of Owning Your Sexuality