Choose Happiness Over Expectations - How Malvika Sitlani Has It All

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Malvika Sitlani isn't your everyday influencer; she's a force to be reckoned with in the world of glamour and beauty. From gracing the screens to captivating audiences on Instagram and YouTube, she's redefining what it means to be an icon influencer. Speaking to SheThePeople, Malvika Sitlani opened up about the demanding balance of motherhood and career, advocating for honest discussions on postpartum challenges and societal pressures. She also shares insights on navigating online negativity and emphasises the importance of financial independence for women.

Navigating Motherhood and Career

Sitlani opened up about the challenges of balancing motherhood, content creation, and running her brand. She described the past year as personally and professionally difficult, navigating survival mode since giving birth. She said, "I feel like I'm just trying to survive in a way that makes my baby okay, my company's okay and also, my content creation is doing okay. Because in the middle of going through birth and everything, my job is to show my face on camera; that's basically what I do for a living. So, and I'm very transparent about how I feel.”

Sitlani expressed comfort in connecting with fellow moms through her transparent discussions saying, "The way I talk about it, there are a lot of moms that connect with me. So, in that sense, it's been kind of comforting to know that I can take sort of a backseat whenever I feel like my audience understands that."

However, she emphasised the challenges of balancing motherhood with her professional responsibilities, acknowledging that it's impossible to give 100% everywhere. Sitlani accepts falling short in certain areas of her life and prioritises survival over perfection in the first year of motherhood.

Re-examining the Multitasking Norm

Moreover, Sitlani affirmed the observation and highlighted how the stereotype of women being adept at multitasking is prevalent and discussed her perspective on whether this normalisation of multitasking among women should be re-examined. She emphasised that while women may appear capable of managing everything when left with no choice, it takes a toll on their mental and physical well-being. She highlighted the isolating feeling and loneliness experienced by many mothers due to the heavy burden of multitasking. 

Sitlani asserted, "There should be as many people and family members ready to take that burden off of her and be like you only take care of the baby or you only work if that's your decision. I think not many people have the autonomy to say, "I want to work or I want to do this." "Definitely multitasking is off the charts because I realised that in a very short span in the middle, I was trying to do everything. I was also filming and editing; I was also taking care of my baby and showing up for meetings, and it was driving me crazy. So, doing one thing with full focus is much more productive than doing 10 things at one time, especially when you're battling a lot of mental and physical challenges", she added.

She shared her postpartum and mental health journey. “Initially, the postpartum experience didn't quite hit me as they call it the postpartum blues. In those first few weeks, my focus was solely on ensuring the baby's survival. No matter how prepared I thought I was, at the end of the day, it felt like I was simply adapting to my baby's needs as they arose.”

The transition to working from home while caring for a newborn brought overwhelming challenges for her, leading to feelings of regret, dwelling on the past, and worrying about the future. Sitlani emphasised, "These are not thoughts that are even real; they literally are fears multiplied by 10, that are just looming over your head, and you believe them, because that's the language your mind is telling you is true."

"On top of that, the distortion of these thoughts is exacerbated by self-esteem issues and physical changes postpartum," said Sitlani while she addressed the difficulty of accepting the transformed body and the struggle to reconcile with this new identity. The process of rediscovering self-love and adjusting to this "rebirth" is complex and often fraught with uncertainty, requiring understanding and support from others.

Addressing Societal Expectations

Sitlani not only creates content related to fashion and makeup but frequently utilises her platform to discuss social issues and societal norms, and in a subsequent conversation, she highlights the causes that hold special significance for her. She said, “I often use my platform to address social issues and societal expectations, particularly focusing on mental health and the challenges of motherhood. I aim to normalise discussions about postpartum depression, the pressures of breastfeeding, and the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers by society and social media. It's important to show the various aspects of motherhood, including the struggles and challenges, and create a supportive community where mothers can openly discuss their experiences without fear of judgement."

Handling Negativity on Social Media

Regrettably, social media frequently entails trolling. Sitlani discussed her approach to handling negativity and criticism on these platforms. She said, “Fortunately, I have a strong and supportive community that helps me navigate through tough times. While I've built a thick skin over the years, negative comments, mostly from other women, can still affect me, especially during the vulnerable period of new motherhood. Questions of self-worth and relevance often arise, but I remind myself to focus on the positive aspects of social media and surround myself with supportive voices. It's crucial to be mindful of what you consume online and prioritise joining communities that uplift and empower you.”

Sitlani also discussed her approach to managing her finances, emphasising the importance of financial independence for women, whether they are married or unmarried. She shared, "I've had to overcome a lot of fear and uncertainty around finances, stemming from my childhood experiences. While I'm still learning, I've made progress in managing my money better. It's crucial for women to receive guidance on financial matters, whether from parental figures or mentors, to make informed decisions. I've focused on saving, investing wisely, and avoiding unnecessary expenses, like luxury items, to build a stable financial future. It's about finding a balance between saving for the future and enjoying life in the present."